The possibility for more
It's a curious thing, witnessing yourself try to break out of the cage in which you live.
It’s as if this inner fire, this soul with an energy all its own, propels you to wholeness despite your efforts to remain “put together”. There is a difference, you know? Wholeness is all-consuming, wild, complicated, natural. “Put together” is superficial, eye-appealing, easy, inauthentic.
The soul craves wholeness, to be fully known and fully seen, and will act with the conscious and subconscious to make it a reality. We are drawn to images, readings, speakers, people, music….ART, to aid in the complete self-expression our being needs. In each step we take, with each piece that comes into focus, we feel as if we have achieved wholeness. Though, we have just gained another bit of our wholeness and more will be revealed as we are ready to feel it all.
It’s a curious thing to have your soul reignite with a fire that seems foreign and scary, yet familiar and necessary.
During these last 3 months, this time of quarantine, of life essentially coming to a halt, my life didn’t seem to come to a halt. My inner world seemed to scream out for healing and refreshment, craving to feel the energy I held within me, but hid because it was scary or “evil”.
Over the last year, I’ve struggled to strip away my imposed beliefs and worldviews. I dug through what was left to find what was truly me, versus what was given or forced upon me. It was a scary work, and sometimes I didn’t deal with having to feel all the feelings very well. In fact, I tried to escape that feeling often. My life force demanded more of me, I knew with every bone in my being I needed to evolve and shed off the cocoon of social conditioning that had kept me in a box for far too long.
March quarantine came, life coaching began, energy healing, abundance and peace came. Loss followed, relationships unravelled, ashes of what once was were left covering a new sprout of promise within.
Some could not handle the shift in vibration. I’ve lost some family ties as a result, and others are on shaky ground. It seems as though they perceive my change as threatening and dangerous. This has had me question my gut, my intuition, which I‘ve found to be incredibly reliable over the years. It’s taken time and a commitment to myself to be able to shut out their voices as I remember what mine sounds like. What I want. What I know. How I feel.
Perhaps this is the story of many. Perhaps many of us were being awakened to our internal energy and power and light. Maybe this is why we are seeing such darkness being exposed as the riots and protests spill out throughout the country and now across the globe. As our collective energy vibrations raise, the balance of nature demands the darkness counter. Ultimately though, it is so the darkness can be brought to light and expelled.
It reminds me of Plato’s cave analogy. We are only chained to the shadows of reality until we decide to turn our heads and go towards the eye-searing, but life-giving light coming from outside the cave. We want to bring others with us but they can not handle it until their soul is awakened to the possibility of more, a more beautiful and true existence.
I have this constant battle within, it's one that I’ve been trained in my whole life. To fit in, we must seek to please others. Where did this come from? Why is it so prevalent amongst women? Why is it that we will betray ourselves for the sake of the many? And then we get to this place often around our 40th year and decide that this whole way of being is FOOLISHNESS. Why did we waste all those years pleasing others and sacrificing us, only to be left empty and void of what makes us truly human?
Realizing the power within us is scary, undeniable, empowering, and beautiful. This power of creation we have within us is an affront to some, for change is uncomfortable but necessary to life. Our imagination believes in the best possible, the most true and beautiful life for ourselves. We are only limited by the ability to allow that imagination to be engaged. When we take off the training wheels, the social constructs embedded from our family of origin, the bumper lanes that keep us on the straight “right” path, life can be reimagined and a whole new fire ignites.